NIHILISM> FROM THE LATIN 'NIHIL'(NOTHING)

The product of doubt, distress and disorientation.

Welcome: 'Terrible Truths' [ I LOVE ALLITERATIONS THIS MUCH ] <3

I thought it would be ok to share. Hell, even necessary in these wicked times of optimisms and crisis. In these, the times, where you are sure you recognize this freshly-fucked feeling of deja vú but you can't exactly put your finger on it. Because it would be socially awkward. And who needs that at(in) this day and age?

Hmmm, now that I think about it. We should leave my discourse of programmed philosophical despair for later. Lets take the pre-scheduled approach to this.

A reaction (or a reflection) of recent events. That is what a journal is all about. Not a diary, not a documentary of daily events.

This year I've been subject of change. I'm going to call it a fart. Kind of like an existentialist hiatus. Yes. That.

"... and this is how your life is supposed to turn out"
Fuck that I say. Love. Family. Work. A Profession. Your Life. Your Passion. Abstract social laws to benefit obscure entities.

= Induced means of control =

You'd think I should be smarter by know. I could be a doctor by know. When you count down the facts...its really depressing.

Wherever this leads me. Wherever I let it take me. I refuse to go back to happy and normal and stable. I'm afraid I can't afford it. With all this imperfections I mean.

But I don't want to re-live all the fucking mistakes now do I? But I read, once, that is the only way to keep yourself young. Find your biggest mistakes. Then do it all over again. Are we all avoiding risks to make it safely to death???

I won't. Death won't beat me to it.

So what do you say? "something beautiful or something free?"

I like men. I like how men look sleeping. I like muscle cars. I like men sleeping in muscle cars.

I really do like how men look sleeping. Something about the way their lips relax and their brow furrows and that shy rosy blush and "serious happy noises" they make when they have a particular nice dream.

I'll go on with my life, trying to keep some decent clothing on my back and my hands busy.

I wish I could attach some pictures to this. Since decent journals have pictures and drawings in them. But hell, I can still draw something up.

THE THREAT IS REAL.

FINAL WORDS?

NONE OF YOUR DECISIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE ARE FINAL>


>>SO

HERE's TO LIFE...


NOW, your turn, tell me a gross personal story...


[...]
I'll be back when I sell out.

I want to know what people are reading. IF they are reading at all I mean.
It really takes a lot for me to find a worthy book. Something brilliant that keeps me spellbound (as clichéd as it sounds)

I thought it would be nice to share my list of influential books. By influential I don't mean books that made you smarter, more witty and an educated young trendy person. By influential I mean books that changed your point of view on something, made you realize something about you that you didn't know. Made you feel pathetic. Made you feel small and dumb. Made you feel new. The kinds of books that you wished everyone read. The kind of books you read over and over again. The ones you can quote and re write with your name on them.
I would give out a list of books but it would be quite useless. Not to mention personal. Sometimes I don't want people to read the books I read. I think they loose something when people read them and don't get them. I feel cheated.

Now I leave you with this. I hope people understand it. Or better yet. That they don't.

An Excerpt from Paul Palahniuk's Novel "Invisible Monsters"

It's all mirror, mirror on the wall because beauty is power the same way money is power the same way a gun is power. Anymore, when I see the picture of a twenty-something in the newspaper who was abducted and sodomized and robbed and then killed and here's a front-page picture of her young and smiling, instead of me dwelling on this being a big, sad crime, my gut reaction is, wow, she'd be really hot if she didn't have such a big honker of a nose. My second reaction is I'd better have some good head and shoulders shots handy in case I get, you know, abducted and sodomized to death. My third reaction is, well, at least that cuts down on the competition.

If that's not enough, my moisturizer I use is a suspension of inert fetal solids in hydrogenated mineral oil. My point is that, if I'm honest, my life is all about me. "

Well here I am feeling artsy.
And my scanner lets me down yet again. For some reason it completely gave out on me. Everyone that knows me understands that my attention span is very limited and whenever I finish a drawing its quite the event.
But fuck that. When ever I can'scan it I shall.

I hope this year goes better than the last and that I get to do more stuff. Like in everything I mean.

I am so very confuse though. I don't have much time to decide if I stay in my bachelor's focus, move to philosophy, or leave my life and my worldly possessions and move to another country and become a hobo. I'm seriously considering all 3 possibilities.

Really all my life all I've ever wanted to do is travel. As simple as that. I have no regard for my future, getting a profitable job or a social status. I think for people who plan their life, things rarely come out as desired. I decided to leave my destiny surprise me.

I'm happy and feel at peace with it all. Even though its very difficult for some people to accept that. I don't give a shit
(and I mean this in the most positive way possible)

Drama aside (since I hate dramatic journals)

I've been drawing some shit...
Ofcourse I'd be happy to take on request.


"Hay dudas que nos mutilan
hay deudas del corazón
hay días que nos estorban
hay "dioses" que van de dios

Pero hay voces que no callan
si las sabes escuchar
son los gritos de tu gente
que te animan a luchar

Y verás que en la vida hay que sufrir
y verás que en la vida hay que luchar
y al final si eres fuerte ganarás
no queda sino batirnos
no queda sino luchar

Ten cerca siempre a un amigo
y al enemigo a tu par
para aprender como piensa
y cuando actue reaccionar

Las traiciones que bien matan
son las hechas con amor
y no hay estocada más grande
que el acero de una voz"

No Queda Sino Batirnos
-Mägo de Oz

I just have to vent. I can’t fucking stand non-brain eaters and the way you push your immoral and unhealthy practices on others. I’m a zombie, and all I want is for people to respect our choice to eat brains, but no. Every time we invade a house and start to eat people's brains, we get ostracized. FUCK YOU lard bags, all of you are candidates for strokes and heart-attacks, sitting on your computers jerking off and getting fatter and fatter. Look at my face, make you scared nerds? Well as long as you sit around and keep eating you’ve never got a shot at getting away from a zombie like me. And guess what? When I eat, I get to commit murder to fill my belly. What is your rational? It’s not okay to mutilate and eat people cuz they are less intelligent? Would you NOT mutilate and eat a mentally challenged person? Think of the starving people in Africa that could have been fed with the produce that was used to fatten your fat, pot-bellied brains. I hope you all rot in hell. I want you to watch this video: [[The Return of the Living Dead]]. If you have a shred of decency, you will see my point, but if not, when you’re crying yourself to sleep tonight thinking about a zombie like me, why don’t you just do the rest of the world a favor and let us eat your brains. Jerks.

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”



Mood: Apathetic